Are woman to be blamed for their husbands infedelity? On "Today," Dr. Laura Schlessinger presented the idea: “When the wife does not focus in on the needs and the feelings, sexually, personally, to make him feel like a man, to make him feel like a success, to make him feel like her hero, he’s very susceptible to the charm of some other woman making him feel what he needs." This could be partly correct from the perspective of, if a woman feels her marriage is loosing ground or is showing signs of wear she has a choice, either ignore it and hope it gets better or bring it to her partners attention and start working on the relationship. Marriage is a full time job that needs constant attention and nurturing. Many couples make the mistake of putting children, careers, etc. first taking their marriage/partner for granted. So from that point of view, yes women can take some accountability for their husbands actions. However, one big determining factor for a man cheating is having it as an option. If a man puts blinders on when he commits to a woman he will not be aware of the temptations around him.

 

With recent high profile infidelity being in the news, this has become a hot topic. Louann Brizendine, author of The Female Brain suggests, similar to homosexuality vs heterosexuality, that whether someone is monogamous or promiscuous is decided in the womb -- it's not necessarily learned behavior or an inherited trait. Men and women are either cheaters or loyal from birth. (It's more frequent in men only because they have much higher levels of testosterone, they think about sex much more than women do, so they tend to find more opportunity). So are the factors that contribute to promiscuity in men from birth also related to thirst for power?

 

Research from Joris Lammers, an assistant professor of psychology at Tilburg University in the Netherlands, published in Psychological Science states"The likelihood [of infidelity] increases the more powerful someone is". The study analyzed the results of an Internet survey of 1,561 readers of a Dutch business magazine. Power leads to this disinhibited sense that you can get what you want and should take risks to get it. In the same line of thinking, Chris Rock says that a man is basically as faithful as his options allow.

 

So what’s a woman to do, develop a genetic infidelity test? Maybe, but better yet get to know your potential husband very well and don’t ignore red flags. Make your marriage a priority, you will have your children on a daily bases in your life for 18 years but your husband for much longer. Invest in him as much if not more then your children. You will reap the benefits as well as your children. If you ask children to choose between you being available to them all the time and you staying happily married to their dad, their overwhelming answer will be “DAD”.