Any Time Is the Right Time

As a marriage therapist, I’m often asked: “When should we start premarital counseling?” My answer is always the same: the best time to start is now, regardless of where you are in your relationship journey. Whether you’re newly engaged, planning your wedding, or even if you’re already married, investing in your relationship through counseling is never too early or too late.

Every relationship is unique, and couples bring different strengths, challenges, and histories to their partnership. Some couples benefit from counseling early in their engagement to establish strong communication patterns, while others may need support later to address specific concerns that have emerged. The key is recognizing that relationship education is an investment in your future together, not a sign that something is wrong.

Many couples hesitate to seek premarital counseling because they feel their relationship is “fine” or worry that it suggests problems. In reality, premarital counseling is preventive care for your relationship—much like regular health check-ups help prevent medical issues. The skills and insights gained through counseling serve as a foundation for navigating the inevitable challenges that all couples face.

What Research Says About Timing

While any time can be the right time, research does provide some guidance on optimal timing for premarital counseling. Studies indicate that to maximize the effects of premarital training, couples should start 4-6 months before marriage and focus on their specific needs for at least 6 weeks.

This timing recommendation makes practical sense for several reasons:

Four to Six Months Before Marriage allows couples to:

• Address any concerns that arise during the assessment process
• Practice new communication skills before the wedding stress intensifies
• Make informed decisions about their relationship without the pressure of immediate wedding plans
• Have time to work through any significant issues that surface during counseling

However, it’s important to note that this research-based timing is about optimization, not necessity. Couples who begin counseling closer to their wedding date, or even after marriage, can still experience significant benefits.

Duration and Structure: What the Research Shows

Premarital counseling generally lasts about 8-10 weeks, with couples meeting once per week on average. However, the duration can vary significantly based on several factors:

Factors Affecting Duration:

• Relationship history: Couples who have been together longer may need less time to explore fundamental compatibility issues
• Communication skills: Those with strong existing communication may require fewer sessions
• Specific challenges: Trust issues can require an extra 2-3 months of counseling to focus on both trust-building and effective communication
• Couple preferences: Some prefer to meet twice weekly for a shorter period, while others benefit from a slower pace

Typical Structure: Most programs involve several sessions lasting from a few weeks to a few months, allowing couples to have in-depth discussions and develop effective strategies. This timeframe provides adequate opportunity to:

• Complete comprehensive assessments
• Discuss key relationship topics
• Practice new skills
• Address any concerns that arise

The Evidence for Effectiveness

The research on premarital counseling effectiveness is compelling. Studies show that couples who participate in premarital education through programs like PREPARE/ENRICH reduce their risk for divorce by 31%. This significant reduction in divorce risk demonstrates the preventive power of relationship education.

Research also shows that nearly 66% of couples therapy clients complete therapy within 20 sessions, highlighting the effectiveness of structured and consistent counseling. This completion rate suggests that most couples find value in the process and are willing to invest the time needed to strengthen their relationship.