by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Feb 8, 2017 | Blog, Uncategorized
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People often fall helplessly in love with the perfect aspects of people’s personalities. Who wouldn’t? Anyone can love the best parts of another individual. The question is: Can you accept their flaws? Can you honestly say, ‘I could work around that’ about your partner and kids?
Part of the main challenges of marriage is the continuous need to remind ourselves about the reason we married our spouse, to refocus ourselves on all the qualities that drew us to them, and tell ourselves that we’ll fine tune, but we can’t change their basic character.
How to accept the flaws of your spouse and kids
If you’re loud and lively and you were attracted to your spouse for his/her sense of calm, you cannot complain that they don’t like going out more often. Instead, we must concentrate on the positive effect that his/her peaceful nature has on your wilder one.
It’s in such areas of diversity that there’s usually the most attraction, and the most struggles, with opportunity for growth.
Another tricky aspect is seeing the good part that’s “always” there. The irritations. The pet peeves and habits and major and minor troubles that make you go crazy. Accepting your spouse’s flaw is easier when you’re aware of your bad habits, quirks, and weaknesses. One way to accept your spouses’ flaws is to take into account their positive side and what you appreciate about them. Another way to accept your spouses’ and kids flaws is to be conscious of and also accept your own.
How can you become aware of yourself and your environment?
Self-awareness involves noting your actions and thoughts. One way to note them is by putting them down in a journal daily.
If you continue putting it off and letting a week pass by without making the notes, you might not remember everything important.
Keeping notes will help you to see the values and patterns you have been hiding all along. Once you identify patterns, you gain the power to change them if they are not self serving.
If you’re self-aware, you’ll learn from your mistakes and the mistakes of others around you. You will also understand your environment and how you impact others better. This will help you to focus more on their good aspects rather than their flaws.
An individual’s belief in their power to succeed is set by how they behave, think, and feel. Somebody with a firm self-efficacy, for instance, views tasks as mere challenges that have to be overcome, and aren’t easily disheartened by setbacks.
Such people are aware of all their abilities and flaws and choose to use these qualities properly.
A person with a fragile sense of self-efficacy avoids challenges and easily feels dispirited by setbacks. They might not be conscious of their negative reactions, and so do not change their attitude.
Accepting your spouse’s flaws can start by appreciating their virtues and working on your own self awareness.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Nov 3, 2016 | Blog, Uncategorized
For many of us, feelings of being overwhelmed are all too common and when we allow our to do list to grow too long, we can become confused or even bewildered. Fortunately, there are a variety of ways to reduce these feelings and make them a thing of the past. Read on to learn more about the following helpful tips that will allow you to properly prioritize.
Create a List
Creating a to do list is an important first step that gives you the chance to prioritize before you’ve even had a chance to become overwhelmed. By listing your tasks in a manner that indicates which ones are most crucial, you can tackle your biggest issues first and avoid the issues that come with procrastination. Procrastination is often borne out of indecision and creating a to do list also gives us a great sense of accomplishment as we cross each off each individual item.
Multitasking Is a No No
While multitasking gives us a sense that we are accomplishing more, this is an illusion, an illusion that causes us to lose sight of the tasks that are most pivotal. When we attempt to multitask, we lose focus on the task at hand and our efforts become subpar as a result. In some instances, we are then forced to go back and re-do an item on our to do list, as opposed to being able to cross it off for good.
Play To Your Strengths
If there are certain tasks that you know you are more equipped to handle, these should be taken care of immediately, so you can start the ball rolling in a positive direction. This also keeps you from making the mistake of saving the simplest tasks for last. Tackling the tougher tasks once the easier ones have been completed gives us more time to take care of them, without having to feel overwhelmed.
Delegate When Possible
There is nothing wrong with asking for help and when we refuse to do so, we are placing our own backs against the wall in a needless manner. Regardless of what you are attempting to accomplish, there is nothing wrong with asking for assistance when needed. Prioritizing is not just about creating a to do list and checking off each item, it is about completing each task in the best possible way, without focusing on who gets the credit.
Give Yourself Breathing Room
When you have a variety of different tasks to accomplish, don’t make a plan for every single of the day. Be sure to give yourself plenty of breathing room in case things go wrong. There are always going to be factors that are beyond your control and by giving yourself breathing room, you can avoid feelings of being overwhelmed when they do.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Oct 27, 2016 | Uncategorized
Love is something that is supposed to grow with time if you foster and care for it in the right way. Even though passion can easily fade, it is supposed to be love that becomes stronger with time. If you are in a marriage that leaves you feeling miserable, you may be one of many feeling trapped in a Loveless Marriage. A loveless marriage is one that is only a matter of convenience and is not one that is filled with admiration, care and love. Staying in a loveless marriage is not the right choice, you need to identify what a loveless marriage looks like and implement ways to change it.
Here are the tips to follow when you determine that you are in a Loveless Marriage:
Divorce is Not the Automatic Solution
Many people assume that when they are trapped in a loveless marriage that the only real answer is to get a divorce. However, it is important to note that a divorce is not an easy fix. This is not something that will magically make you happy again. You need to view divorce as a last resort and the option that you choose when all else fails. This means that divorce should not be the only thing that is on your mind when you are dealing with a loveless marriage.
Make an Effort
The most important thing that you can do when you know that you are dealing with a loveless marriage is to make a real effort. This means that you need to try and bring back feelings that enticed you to choose your spouse to begin with. Those feelings might be buried deep down. This means that you should be able to rekindle the love that was once there. Schedule date nights, add humor to everyday chores, and complement each other. Reevaluate after a month and see if your feelings are improving.
Look Within
You also need to make sure that you do not make the mistake of blaming your loss of love on your partner only. You need to take your fair share of the responsibility. This is the only way that you will be able to have a marriage that is filled with long lasting love. There are most likely things that you are doing that have contributed over time to the lack of love. You need to be willing to find out what these things are and make real changes. Consider how critical or judgmental you are when your partner makes a mistake. Do you accept his/her influence and attempts at repair after an argument?
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Oct 20, 2016 | Uncategorized
All relationships ebb and flow, but you never want to find yourself in a toxic relationship that has you feeling stuck. If you feel like there is no way to better the relationship, it is time to make a change. This means that you need to stop the habits and the behaviors of the past if you are looking for a different outcome. Even though it might feel that way, you are never stuck in any relationship. There is always a way to either improve the situation or get out. You just need to know the relationship tips that are designed to get you unstuck.
Here are some of the best ways to get unstuck in a relationship:
Identify the Problem
It is easy to put the blame of your failing relationship on the other person, but this is not always right. No matter what, chances are you are contributing to the toxicity of the relationship. This means that you need to determine your part. You might be too passive, which allows the other person to walk all over you. No matter what it is that you are doing, the only way for you to make real change is for you to identify what needs to be different. It is not about taking the blame, but about accepting responsibility and making real change. You have a part that you play in your relationship and the only way to get unstuck is to make a change.
Break Free
Being in a broken relationship can be debilitating over time. It is normal to assume that if your partner changes then you can have a healthy relationship, but this is not the way that it works. You need to be the one that changes if you want to get unstuck. Even if you are not the one that had an affair or has an anger problem, you need to start changing how you respond and what you put up with. The only way that you can break free is if real change is made on your part.
Get Help Now
When you are dealing with a relationship that you feel stuck in, you need professional help to get unstuck. This means that you need to work with a counselor that can help you see the real changes that need to be made on your part. These changes allow you to create a healthy relationship or make a real break.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Mar 21, 2016 | Blog, Uncategorized
Accountability partner is exactly what it sounds like. Recent article outlining what self made millionaires have in common, identified accountability partners as one of the the things they all shared (to read more https://www.yahoo.com/finance/news/man-spent-5-years-studying-163000058.html). Engaging a neutral party to help you accomplish goals and keep you motivated is void of shame, disappointment and resentment. Key to success is being surrounded by people who hold you accountable and strategies with you to overcome obstacles.
Let me introduce you to your opponent. Not sure you have one, well then listen to the voice in your head that tells you to procrastinate, avoid working out and not to call your mother. They don’t call it a game of life for nothing. We are born with an opponent whose job it is to make us stronger and better but just like with any competition there will be trash talk and sabotage. Think of every day as a new game and from the morning decide who will win you or the opponent. Need extra help? Well that is where the accountability partner comes in. Although that person is great for getting started, but (s)he really comes in handy when your opponent tries to derail you from whatever you’re working on. You probably won’t see it coming, and that’s the moment when accountability truly becomes invaluable.
Top 5 qualities to look for in choosing someone to join you on your success journey:
- They must be reliable, available, and responsive.
- Honest and direct feedback is crucial.
- They can put aside their agenda and not be judgmental.
- Patience is key here.
- They must attune to your needs and remember what you want them to hold you accountable for.
Our work together will first begin by defining accountability to make sure your needs are met. We will then define your ultimate goal and set benchmarks. At specific intervals we will review accomplishments and missteps. By attuning to your decision making process as well as motivation I will be able to tease out your strengths and weaknesses. The new found awareness will empower you to achieve your desired results.
