by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Apr 1, 2025 | couples counseling, marriage, mediation, Uncategorized
When Love Moves Out but the Lease Remains
Discover strategies to manage the complexities of navigating relationship transitions due to financial ties like leases, and learn how to regain your independence and happiness through clean and solution oriented communication strategies.
Understanding Relationship Stuckness
Many couples find themselves feeling trapped in relationships due to financial commitments such as shared leases or joint financial obligations. These situations can create a sense of helplessness and strain on the relationship. As a Gottman Level 3 trained licensed marriage and family therapist, I specialize in helping couples navigate these challenges. My practice focuses on empowering individuals to make informed decisions about their relationships, ensuring both emotional and financial well-being.
While shared leases can create challenging transitions, remembering the temporary nature of the situation helps maintain perspective. With clear communication, established boundaries, and forward planning, this period can be navigated with minimal additional stress.
Financial entanglements like a shared lease can create a false sense of obligation to remain in an unfulfilling relationship. What’s truly needed is honest communication about both parties’ needs and boundaries. Creating a practical exit strategy that addresses lease obligations can help transform what feels like being ‘trapped’ into an empowering transition plan that respects both partners.
I was named a local expert on ApartmentGuide. Read the full article here: Stuck In a Relationship Because of a Lease? Here’s What Experts Prescribe. https://www.apartmentguide.com/blog/stuck-in-a-relationship-because-of-a-lease/
ApartmentGuide is a subsidiary of Redfin.com
Navigating Financially Tied Relationships
In today’s housing market, financial practicality often means couples move in together earlier in relationships than previous generations. While this arrangement works beautifully for many, it creates unique challenges when relationships end but lease agreements don’t. The emotional complexity of a breakup becomes intertwined with practical housing considerations, creating a situation where many feel “stuck” in proximity to an ex-partner.
As housing costs continue to rise in metropolitan areas, this scenario becomes increasingly common. According to recent surveys, nearly 40% of adults have continued living with a partner after deciding to end their relationship, primarily citing financial constraints and lease obligations as the determining factors.
This blog explores strategies for maintaining your emotional wellbeing while navigating the practical realities of shared leases during relationship transitions.
How can financial obligations affect my relationship?
Financial obligations can create stress and tension, leading to feelings of being trapped. It’s important to communicate openly about financial concerns and seek professional guidance if needed.
What steps can we take to address feeling stuck?
Start by having an honest conversation about your feelings and financial situation. Consider seeking therapy to explore your options and develop a plan that prioritizes both partners’ needs.
Is it possible to renegotiate a lease if we decide to separate?
Yes, many landlords are willing to negotiate lease terms if both parties agree. It may involve finding a replacement tenant or paying a fee, but it’s worth exploring to alleviate the financial burden.
Can financial therapy help us manage our obligations better?
Absolutely. Financial therapy can provide tools and strategies to manage your financial commitments more effectively, reducing stress and improving your relationship dynamics.
When facing a lease constraint in a relationship that's ending, consider these primary options:
Breaking a lease typically involves financial penalties but provides the cleanest separation.
Considerations:
- Review your lease agreement for early termination clauses
- Calculate the total cost of breaking the lease (typically 1-2 months’ rent plus security deposit)
- Determine if either party can afford to take on this cost alone or if it will be shared
- Consider whether the emotional benefits outweigh the financial penalties
Many lease agreements allow for subletting or assigning the lease to new tenants, with landlord approval.
Considerations:
- Review lease terms regarding subletting and assignment rights
- Understand the process for landlord approval of new tenants
- Determine who will move out and who will stay
- Address how the security deposit will be handled
- Establish clear timelines for the transition
Cont. Cohabitation w/Boundaries
For those with longer leases or significant financial constraints, continuing to live together may be necessary, but with clearly established boundaries.
Considerations:
- Establish clear agreements about shared spaces, private areas, and schedules
- Create systems for managing shared expenses
- Set expectations about guests and new relationships
- Develop communication protocols for addressing issues that arise
Relationship and Financial Advice
Feeling trapped in a relationship due to financial ties can be overwhelming. Reach out today for a personalized consultation to explore your options and find a path forward.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Jan 1, 2025 | couples counseling, Uncategorized
Unlock the Power of Shared Dreams
Become the IT Couple: Manifest Your Marital Goals
As a Los Angels couples therapist, I find that starting of the New Year with intention for your relationship can be transformative. By combining the Gottman Method with Joe Dispenza’s manifestation principles, my template will help you achieve your relationship and life goals.
Introducing the marriage manifestation template
Harnessing the Power of Connection and Manifestation
The Marriage Manifestation Template is a unique tool that integrates the principles of the Gottman Method and Joe Dispenza’s manifestation techniques. This innovative approach helps couples align their aspirations, fostering a deeper emotional connection and a shared vision for the future. By visualizing and articulating your goals together, you create a powerful synergy that enhances both personal and relational growth.
Benefits of a Marriage Manifestation Template
Creating shared dreams offers numerous benefits, including strengthening emotional bonds and clarifying shared goals. It acts as a visual reminder of your commitments, helping to keep both partners aligned and motivated. This practice not only enhances communication but also fosters a sense of unity and purpose, making it easier to navigate challenges and celebrate achievements together.
Enhancing Relationship Dynamics
Integrating Manifestation to create 2025 Marriage Goals
Begin by discussing and identifying common aspirations that both partners wish to manifest together.
Daily Gratitude Practice. Create affirmations that align with your shared vision
Love Maps, nurture fondness, turn towards, accept influence, break gridlock
Set Small, Achievable Goals.
Track progress.
Crafting Your Vision for the Future
Creating a Marriage Manifestation template is a powerful tool that combines the insights of the Gottman Method with the transformative principles of Joe Dispenza’s manifestation techniques. By visualizing your shared goals, you and your partner can strengthen your relationship and align your aspirations. This process not only enhances communication but also fosters a deeper connection, paving the way for a harmonious future together.
Take the first step towards realizing your dreams by dedicating time to craft your vision. Embrace the journey of discovery and collaboration, and watch as your shared dreams begin to manifest. Remember, the key to success lies in your commitment and openness to growth. Start today and witness the positive changes unfold in your life.
Explore the Possibilities
Ready to dive deeper into the world of manifestation and the Gottman Method? Schedule a session and learn how this powerful tool can enhance your relationship and personal growth. Our sessions are designed to provide you with the skills and insights needed to create a meaningful and beautiful marriage.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Jun 4, 2019 | Blog
Let’s talk about adult attachment!
Similar to the way that we attach to our primary caregivers as infants, there are four attachment styles that we may exhibit in our adult romantic relationships or in our adult friendships – secure, preoccupied, avoidant, and fearful.
These four styles lie on a spectrum characterized by low or high avoidance, and low or high anxiety. The amount of anxiety you feel and the amount of avoidance you partake in determine your attachment style. With a secure attachment, there is low anxiety and low avoidance; you feel close to your partner, you’re able to talk about difficult topics without negative emotions and without needing to leave, and have a consistent outlook on the relationship. In contrast, an avoidant attachment style is characterized by low anxiety and high avoidance; you may avoid any serious topic of conversation, and when you find yourself in a serious situation or feeling high levels of emotions, you may need to physically and emotionally detach from your partner, sometimes without warning and for a long period of time.
As a couples therapist, it’s important for me to help my clients identify their adult attachment styles and to find ways to work towards a secure attachment. Attachment style isn’t permanent – we have the capacity to change it!
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Mar 21, 2019 | Blog, couples
A complete guide for couples who are ready to move in
There comes a time in every relationship when you decide that you are spending a lot of time together and sharing a tremendous amount of sleepovers. When this comes to a realization, then there is a big decision that needs to be made….do we move in together?
What do you consider when making this big decision? When is the right time? How do we combine our finances, space, and time?
So when IS the right time to move in together? There are some signs that could lead you in the right direction.
SIGNS YOU ARE READY TO MOVE IN TOGETHER
- You understand your partner, they understand you, and you both aware of and understand each others habits.
- You are comfortable discussing money and finances together.
- It’s getting a little inconvenient NOT to move in together. (Sleepovers and living out of a gym bag is not fun.)
- You both understand that it will be tough.
- You’re both completely independent.
- You make quality time for each other.
- You are both great at solving problems and talking out disagreements.
If you checked off more than a few of these signs you are golden!
When moving in together, I’ve put together a couple of different lists that include tips that can help you along the way.
THINGS TO CONSIDER
- Understand that your life is about to change DRAMATICALLY.
- You’re essentially married now, and will need to consider another person’s opinion of your finances, your schedule, your time, etc.
- Privacy will be non-existent. (Even bathroom time can be interrupted.)
- Chores are to be split evenly, the house will not clean itself, and it’s unfair to rely on your partner to keep the house clean.
- You will need to ASK for your alone time. It’s not going to be an automatic, natural, thing to have.
- You will need to learn how to solve your disagreements in the best, amicable way possible.
- There is an art to combining space and finances. It’s personal to everyone, you and your partner will have to figure out what works best for you.
TIPS TO COMBINING FINANCES
- Keep ONE account solely for paying bills (a “Bill-Pay” account) where both of you deposit money into for paying bills.
- You should both sit down every payday and discuss bills that are due, and expenses, together.
- Keep separate accounts for yourselves, but be open, honest, and give your partner access to your account.
TIPS TO COMBINING TIME AND SCHEDULES
It’s easy to forget that when you RSVP for any event, you must consider the schedule and time of the person you are sharing your life with. Here are some tips to help along the way.
- Sit every saturday or sunday and go over scheduling for the following week. Events, appointments, work, etc. Make sure that you are both on the same page.
- Use a calendar app, like google calendar, etc. and combine it for the use of you and your partner. Include your partner whenever you are scheduling a last minute appointment or event.
In conclusion, moving in together can be an exciting and joyous time full of possibilities and new ways to explore each other and be part of each other’s lives! But remember that it’s also difficult to combine two lives and two personalities, into one household. So be kind, understanding, and compassionate.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Jan 16, 2019 | Blog, Uncategorized
When I went back to school to get my masters to become a therapist, I was married with two small children. Part of my training involved reflecting on my family of origin and my nuclear family. My parents and step parents were very eager to help me recall nuances of my childhood and adolescent life. They were open to be analyzed and accepted their successes and failures.
I then turned my attention to my nuclear family. I began examining my children based on birth order, gender, type of pregnancy etc. My husband was a willing participant in putting our children and our parenting of them under a microscope. We changed from using a discipline model to organic consequences and saw positive changes.
Our marriage was and still is solid, so I turned the spotlight on him and us. There was a specific incident that I remember happened during a semester where I was learning to diagnose using DSM IV. During an argument I switched from arguing as a spouse and put on my therapist hat and disassociated from ‘US’. I felt very powerful in being able to see my husband as a client and quickly maneuvered in the argument to position my self as the winner.
This did not go over very well with him. Although not in the mental health field, he was a formidable opponent and called me out. Initially I resisted his assessment and continued to stand on my soap box. After a few more altercations of this sort, I realized that my marriage was suffering because I was not connecting with him but more looking at him as a client for whom I have unconditional positive regard but not love or true emotional connection with.
That was a turning point and I stopped being a therapist in my personal life. I expanded that to cover my friends, children and other family members. My practice is very fulfilling and I am able to create boundaries for myself to easily transition from Therapist to Civilian.
As a Gottman Level II therapist I attract a lot of couples. After session they tend to use therapy as a weapon in their fights by either quoting me or using what their partner shared, in a vulnerable state, against them. I strongly caution against that. This is one of the main reasons I see couples dropping out of counseling prematurely and not getting the help they need.
Talking about how the session went is common and healthy. Have a safe conversation by showing appreciation for transparency and validate your partners concerns. Your relationship will thank you!
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Dec 10, 2018 | Blog
Holiday season is one of the busiest times to travel. Whether you are visiting family or going on vacation pre-trip anxiety can affect event the healthiest of us.
Common Reasons:
- Taking time off work
- Boarding Pets
- Scheduling transportation and accommodations
- Fear of getting sick
- Spending time with family in a confined space
- Going over budget
- Reservations being canceled
- Adverse weather conditions
- Forgetting to pack something important
Steps to take:
- Remind yourself of why you are traveling
- Visualize arriving at the destination
- Create lists – packing, spending, activities, gifts
- Bounce ideas of someone else
- Set a budget with a 10% buffer
- Remember anything you forget can be purchased at your destination or you can temporarily live without out (medicine is probably an exception)
- Check in with ourself if anxiety is what you are feeling. Excitement is sometimes confused with anxiety.
- Analyze each scary thought you have and figure out how you would handle it. For example what would you do if you missed your plane.
- Eat super foods leading up to your travels
- Plan for ways to entertain yourself in a confined space, such as plane, by downloading podcast or book etc.
#anxiety #travelanxiety #therapy #therapist #westlake #cbt
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Dec 6, 2018 | Blog
Every semester I have a student who emails me with a request to interview me about what it’s like to have a private practice. I thought I would publish my answers in hopes to help others who are considering interview this field.
1. How many hours per week are you expected to work in this field?
There is no expectation in private practice but on average therapists work 20 hours. Since I am balancing being a supervisor and seeing my own clients, I average 40 hours a week.
2. Can you describe your experience balancing life and work?
One of the benefits of being self employed is the ability set my own hours. Which makes balancing life and work easier. The hard part is to not be a ‘Therapist’ all the time. To address that issue I try to avoid discussing what I do while socializing.
3. What qualities do you need to have to be successful in this field?
Besides being passionate about psychology one needs to love marketing and networking.
4. What do you find to be the most rewarding aspects of this field?
When clients have aha moments.
5. A lot of people think that the field of psychology is an “easy” major or that you cannot find a job with a degree in psychology. What would you say to debunk this misconception and encourage a student to purse a degree in psychology?
I think the degree can be converted to a lot of other positions that require understanding of human nature. Sales, HR, and child oriented positions come to mind.
6. What advice would you give to a student who is considering studying psychology?
To drill down on what their intent in studying it is. Is it for the love of learning or to actually be employed in the field. If employment is the goal then figure out what part of psychology is of interest, it is a very broad field.
