This a third installment of three part series. Earlier I wrote about women’s motives for affairs as well as outlined generally why affairs happen. This blog will focus on men.
There are a number of reasons why men have affairs and cheat on their wives. It’s actually not that hard to decipher why men cheat. A very common reason for why men stray has to do with adding more people into the mix. Also known as, children. A common scenario is that the couple had children, and the men stopped feeling important in the relationship. Period.
However, there are a number of reasons why men would cheat.
- Immaturity: Basically, he lacks the experience of being in a monogamous, long term relationship.
- Recurring issues such as drugs and alcohol that affect his decision making abilities. A party-goer with tons of substances and stimulants in their system does not make a good combination for a good decision making skills.
- He has a sexual addiction, meaning he compulsively engages in sexual fantasies and behaviors instead of facing life’s challenges.
- Insecurities. He uses sex and women to feel better about himself.
- He may want to end his current relationship, but instead of being honest, he cheats and makes his women do the “breaking off” of the relationship. Or he may want to already have someone lined up because he’s afraid to be alone.
- Lack of Male Social relationships – friends: He may be expecting a male friend in his woman partner, and when she can’t fulfill that need, he looks elsewhere.
- He’s confused about commitment and long term love.
- Childhood Abuse – the trauma of abuse can last a lifetime without the proper help. And the side effects of childhood abuse not only affects the abused, but all the people in their life as well.
- Selfishness – he wants his cake and eat it too. He wants ALL the toys. He wants everything!
- Narcissism – he feels the rules do not apply to him. He feels that he is above the laws of monogamy, and that the woman should have realized that about him before entering a relationship with him.
- Impulsiveness – pure impulsiveness. The wrong place, the wrong time, with the wrong people, and making a bad decision.
- Anger and Revenge – maybe the woman cheated first and his knee jerk reaction is to cheat as well. Even the odds.
These are just a number of different reasons why men would cheat. And everyone’s situation is unique to their relationship. Sometimes it is not just a singular reason, but a mix of different reasons. Maybe the relationship didn’t start out on the best terms, and didn’t have the best foundation. Don’t single out these reasons, or go looking for them in your relationship if you feel like your partner has been unfaithful. Instead seek help from a therapist, and communicate with your partner.
Usually men want the physical aspects of their affair, but it stems from wanting to be desired. Men also want to feel needed, desired, and important. They want to be the hero. Women AND men both want to be desired in their marriages, and when the other partner is absent from the marriage, and not making an effort, affairs happen.