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Sexless Marriage No More
Sitcoms lead us to believe that women fain having headaches to avoid sex. But more and more often I encounter couples where the man is either not interested or is unable to perform sexually. Once medical problems, such as prostate problems or low testosterone, are ruled out by a urologist then issues such as stress, mood and marital satisfaction is addressed.
Stress makes us feel sluggish which in turn affects our metabolism and weight, and inadvertently leads to poor body image. Another way that stress affects our bodies is by over producing a hormone called Cortisol which directly reduces our libido. Stress management is the first step in bringing intimacy back into a relationship.
Once stress is under control the issue of decreased physical attraction is explored. Reduced attraction usually has less to do with appearance and more to do with unexpressed and unresolved unhappiness in the relationship or marriage. Through the use of Gottman’s online marriage assessment tool, I can quickly zero in on issues in a marriage. Together we will work on addressing concerns and bringing closeness back.
Men’s sexuality is often defined by society and themselves as the ability to perform on demand. If they cannot achieve an erection or climax men often develop performance anxiety and become withdrawn, angry, or suppress sexual desires. Removing the emphasis from intercourse and refocusing on cuddling, foreplay, flirting, etc… reduces the pressure and allows a man to redefine their sexuality in a different context. By replacing intercourse with physical and emotional intimacy, a couple can actually reinvigorate their sex life and bring romance back into their marriage.
Don’t despair. If you are with a compassionate loving partner your sexless marriage can be transformed to a hot one in no time!